When I first found out about my ex Ryan's sex addiction I was never in denial, but I was in shock. He was a bible touting Christian by day, and a sex addict by night. Not only did I find evidence of Ryan's sexual liasons with hundreds of women and adolescent girls, I also found evidence of a few men! Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought someone I was involved with could live such a double life. How could I know this man so well, and not know him at all? I thank God for His providence, showing me the facts, before I said "I do." You can read the entire story of God's mighty hand of mercy, grace, and love on our main website: WWW.SYNTHIAESTHER.COM / ADDICTION SUBTAB/ "FOOLISH PLEASURE, THE LOVE STORY OF A SEX ADDICT, HIS BETRAYAL AND CRIME."
My journey in life became my ministry, as I searched for answers to my perplexing, other worldly problems. God was with me in my learning process, to be sure. In the quest for knowledge I returned to college to take additional psychology courses. In my social psychology class I was taught by a Doctor of Psychology who had been in private practice for over 25 years. He had also been at one time a psychologist to our Navy men at sea, admitting many at sea for months at a time, resorted to homosexual relationships as an outlet of sexual pleasure. These men were supposed heterosexual husbands, fathers, brothers, and sons. Yet they lived a double life as lovers to other men when away at sea.
In grief I often thought about their wives at home. Waiting, longing for their loved ones to return, when life could resume and carry on like a "normal" family. Unfortunately, there is nothing normal about sex addiction, with chaos, abuse, and anger being very profuse among addicts. My father is a Navy war vet, and one of my friends a former Navy Seal. Homosexual activity was not on their agenda, nor do I think it is the norm for most men in the Navy.
But what about those who do cross sexual lust filled boundary lines? What is life like after one gives way to a life filled with sexually deviant perversion? I can assure you, the lust and sexual energy does not go away! In fact, without help and God's intervention life for those in bondage to sex live a very shattered dream, as their addiction becomes increasingly obsessive-compulsive. For futher reference stats and educational documentation concerning this fact please read: WWW.SYNTHIAESTHER.COM / ADDICTION SUBTAB/ "ADDICTION DEFINITION AND HYPOTHESIS."
God gives us such an example in the 19th chapter of Genesis concerning Sodom and Gomorrah. The area townsmen desired the visiting men Lot was housing (they were really God's angels), instead of Lot's virgin daughters! One can read in the bible in Genesis 19:5-29, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them." Lot states, "No, my friends. Don't do this wicked thing. Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them. But don't do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof." The angels struck the crowd of men blind and eventually destoryed the city, saving Lot and a few family members out of the catastrophe that overthrew Sodom and Gomorrah.
A PERSONAL 21ST CENTURY TESTIMONY FROM THE FORMER WIFE OF A HOMOSEXUAL MAN...
JOY WEBER'S TESTIMONY - AS WRITTEN BY JOY
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Current mood: adored
Asking Jesus in my heart
I remember in church camp going to the front and asking Jesus in my heart. My friend Michelle and I had both asked Jesus into our hearts; I remember going back to our room crammed with bunk beds and weeping with tears of joy.
Rules without relationship equal rebellion
I later fell away from the Lord and became involved in drugs, alcohol, and slept with men to fill an empty whole I had in my heart. I have struggled with depression for most of my life which is ironic since my name is "Joy". I had one counselor state it was "acute but chronic."
Have you ever felt like you were born into a dark world and not sure why something is wrong in your life but it is? I have felt that my whole life . . . it felt lonely.
Then one day I became tired of my life and wanted more. At the time, dating my exhusband, sleeping together and drinking all the time. I asked him if he ever wanted more? We started attending church, more and more the truth poured inside me and I started coming back to life again. I re-dedicated my life to Jesus and no longer lived my life in sin anymore. This change became difficult for my then fiancee, because it was more difficult for him to give up alchohol but he wanted his life to be different too. We got married and had two beautiful children.
Every year in our marriage things just seem to get worse. I discovered pornography on the computer that had websites of homosexual nature. He swore to me that he was not acting on it and he would get help. My husband was also raging around me all the time, but to others at the time they thought I was the angry one. It got the point that my body was run down, sick all the time and I felt trapped and tired. For some reason, I was in denial for so long thinking our marriage could be saved and at many times wanting out but not sure what to do in taking the first step. I kept having this impression that he was cheating on me, to the point I no longer would have sex with him until he would tell me the truth. He raped me.
After a string of emails back and forth to eachother, he admitted on cheating me with men that he didn't know and that he was frequenting gay spas. I was heartbroken and feared having HIV. I left work that day and got tested - Praise the Lord I did NOT contracts HIV/AIDS. (Previously, We watched a documentary about how women got HIV from their husbands in Africa, with their children being orphaned. Yet it did not convict his heart to stop.)
It has taken me 3 years to get back on feet again from a broken heart. I was blessed that Colorado Homeless Families took me in so I could get back on feet while recovering from a grieving situation. There really is more to my story but the Lord has not delivered me completely from my situation - yet. I have never been so hurt in my entire life. Nor has there been a time where I hadn't been able to take care of myself except for this time.
Walking with the Lord
Since then, He has blessed me with work, shelter, and healing my heart. It has been a slow recovery process but all along the way it has taught me to lean deep into Him for the love I need and to no longer follow my own paths but to listen to Him. It takes strength to follow the Lord when the world has beaten us down. Each day is a new day; more and more I have learn to trust in Him. I love driving in the car and a beautiful love song comes on the radio or he let's me know in his own special way that he loves me. I truly have found the Lord again and He has wooed me back to sing a love song for Him.
Keep trusting in the Lord for this day will end. He will see us through til a new life begins. He has good plans for you and me, just take his hand and you will see. We may have our fears and our doubts, but it's Him that brings eternal life about. He tells us not to worry on this day, for he has everything ready and will make a way. Blessings to you and may you seek the Lord's shiny face that will bring Joy to your life!
adored 
